I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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