i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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