I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
