Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
