I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
