You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
