Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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