I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she told me i tasted like america
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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