I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
