Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
