her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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