Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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