Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
being pregnant is like rehab
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
