so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
