Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
