So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
