I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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