i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
