Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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