I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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