I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
