I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
