I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i barfeds in our rink
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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