it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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