It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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