I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
