You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
