just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
