Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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