I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
