and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
