She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
