I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
