I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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