I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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