idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
