is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
