I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
