I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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