What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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