I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
