quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
