So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
