I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
