Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
