I want to make a zoo with you.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
