For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
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Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize