I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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