I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
