Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
