in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize