She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Im part way to drunk.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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