Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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