Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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