Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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