Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i out mim tonsoeep
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