I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
