dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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