Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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