to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize