I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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