I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
MIDGETS
????
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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