I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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