I'm lost and stupid without you.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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