Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
