So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
