I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
