I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
