on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i need some magic done to my vagina
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
