Having a random hookup so left but love u
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
